i fear i have no imagination.
i am constantly humbled, even crippled or paralyzed, by what other people are capable of creating. i have some pretty amazing people in my life who are simply fearless. they can plunge their fingers into dirt and form art without considering that what they are doing may be difficult for other people. they don't wonder if what they do is 'good' - it is original, it is theirs. they ask nothing from it but that they enjoy the process and perhaps learn something. and in shedding the challenges, or maybe not even recognizing their existence, they free themselves and are able to create incredible music, art, poetry, and design.
i think i lack something they have. i've given this a lot of thought throughout my life, as it has almost always been an issue for me. i desire the ability to freely create but something holds me back. sometimes i wonder if it is simply raw talent and other times i think it is the determination and drive. or maybe the courage to fail hundreds of times in order to succeed just once. then again, i also use the excuse that i am a left-brained rational mastermind and perhaps i just have no creative juices flowing through my veins. or they are immobilized by my decided lack of emotion or heart. i have many theories, as you can see.
perhaps i just use up all my imagination making excuses for myself. that and my dreams.
i have read ryan's ideas for strengthening one's right brain and i occasionally remember to do the exercises, though i'm not entirely sure that i'm doing them correctly. and i have been trying to force myself to do things i am not comfortable with, such as writing and painting. even showing it to people. trying not to care what they think but just sharing so as to inspire and encourage one another to continue in these attempts. i don't know if this will ever come naturally to me. any tips?
i am constantly humbled, even crippled or paralyzed, by what other people are capable of creating. i have some pretty amazing people in my life who are simply fearless. they can plunge their fingers into dirt and form art without considering that what they are doing may be difficult for other people. they don't wonder if what they do is 'good' - it is original, it is theirs. they ask nothing from it but that they enjoy the process and perhaps learn something. and in shedding the challenges, or maybe not even recognizing their existence, they free themselves and are able to create incredible music, art, poetry, and design.
i think i lack something they have. i've given this a lot of thought throughout my life, as it has almost always been an issue for me. i desire the ability to freely create but something holds me back. sometimes i wonder if it is simply raw talent and other times i think it is the determination and drive. or maybe the courage to fail hundreds of times in order to succeed just once. then again, i also use the excuse that i am a left-brained rational mastermind and perhaps i just have no creative juices flowing through my veins. or they are immobilized by my decided lack of emotion or heart. i have many theories, as you can see.
perhaps i just use up all my imagination making excuses for myself. that and my dreams.
i have read ryan's ideas for strengthening one's right brain and i occasionally remember to do the exercises, though i'm not entirely sure that i'm doing them correctly. and i have been trying to force myself to do things i am not comfortable with, such as writing and painting. even showing it to people. trying not to care what they think but just sharing so as to inspire and encourage one another to continue in these attempts. i don't know if this will ever come naturally to me. any tips?
7 comments:
as a fellow rational i have struggled with lacking inner creativity, convoluted excuses, and a general inability to do anything that would be considered truly amazing.
it seems to me almost to convenient to blame it all on personality type but then again ignoring the challenges isn't exactly something that a rational person would do.
the conclusion i have convinced myself to accept is based on a conversation i recently had with a few friends. it comes down to asking oneself: "what am i passionate about." it does not have anything to do with how well one does something, rather that you find a level of inner contentment doing it.
if your experiments to expand your skill set don't yield the results you desire then you have options. you can choose to accept that and struggle to improve or you can try something different...who knows maybe you will stumble upon something you just happen to be good at and are truly passionate about.
then again i have yet to have my theory work so i may just be rambling without any real confirmation.
on an unrelated note; i ran into your brother and he said "hello."
I find it truly ironic that you feel so differently than you are actually perceived by others. My personal observation is that your creative abilities flow without reserve and your amazing ability to write in such a way as to make any situation seem interesting and unique and entirely entertaining, is a gift that continuely draws me back to your blog like a magnet.
Raw talent in my books!
Don't worry, Erin. We're all plagued by self-doubt. While in rational mode myself, I find forced efficiency to be the biggest motivator. Give yourself specific daily and weekly goals for creative output. For example, "I will write a poem by the end of the day","I will put the finishing touches on my latest painting by the end of the week".
You are a gifted writer and that is art too. I love your writing style. And look at the design of this blog! Beautiful!
I agree with Britt, Sasha -- you have a unique, non-redundant (? can't think of another word for that), witty way of expressing. but what I think impedes for us all is 'The trying to Be Creative' is often the inhibiting factor, and as a very MindFul rational, you can't help but be mindful about most everything you do -- and its often the conscious mind that prevents creativity. It must have a Purpose, to be motivation for you to do. read up more on your personality type and see the vast ways for increased creativity. I see most rationals excel in Systems and analysis to improve what exists. (maybe that's too vague) like my ultra rational lady cousin is a very inventive cook and picture-frame tile-set maker. Those are likely not your cup o' tea. Garren and I have been talking about doing 'crappy art night' in which you accept it will suck... and therefore you make it anyway! but... we're still too scared to do it sofar. but maybe you will!
i also agree with Britt!
and unlike all these amazing creative suggestions and and and all im gonna say is...
i wish i had half the mind of creativity you have, im facing the same problem with this graphic design job for dave.. even if i come up with an idea, im too scared to do it for fear that someone else will tell me that it just wont work and is totally off kilter.
its very frustrating, but if it help, which knowing you it wont, i constantly think... "i know erin could make this pretty and work... why cant i?!" oh bloody heck. and then i go back to a half done job that looks like crap!
haha actually Erin go and read my last blog post... that i did what a month ago... it describes how i feel about this perfectly... and i forgot that i even posted this. its ironic.
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