twenty-something's just a state of mind

as it turned out i continued to cheat and still went for wings and beer on monday. that's how i roll. no self-control, all self-indulgence.

i turned to books to justify my actions. the diet cure explains why it's not my fault that i couldn't stay away from bad food for thirty days. it also claims to be able to fix me within twenty-four hours with amino acids.

guilt absolved.

in far more exciting news, tomorrow is my last day at the hair salon where i have been working. squeezed in my final free cut this afternoon. i doubt i shall ever have such fancy hair again. it's impressive - an asymmetrical bob in red with a copper panel and some eggplant in my bangs. that's right. i'm a rock star.

i really enjoy trying out new jobs. it has been quite educational to be at carreiro. i have a level of comfort with hair salons and stylists, and even my own hair, that i never imagined before. i would gladly jump around to new entry level jobs every couple of months. learn the ropes, get comfortable, then move on. think that's a touch of a.d.d. or just plain old fear and laziness?

as it is, i'm back to square one - time to suck it up and put myself out there for some real grown up work in design. eek!

swallowing glass just to stay pure

i'm finishing my thirty days as tho i haven't cheated for three of them. then i'm going to go for celebratory wings and beer.

i have decided.

strangely, i haven't even really been craving sugar. mostly it has been the inconvenience of having to properly prepare something myself that is the challenge. when i'm hungry, i want something now. pronto. stat. popping something in the toaster seems too long. which is silly. i need to (a) have good things on hand for when that feeling strikes and (b) get over the instant gratification i've become accustomed to. i suppose that just takes time and effort. same as anything else that is good for you.

one thing i am totally in love with is rice noodles. i prefer them to even whole wheat or multi grain pasta. so yummy. and quick to prepare. last night i had them with grilled tofu and zucchini and sun dried tomatoes. mmmm that reminds me... i have leftovers! my favourite.

checked my pulse and fever too

i just ate an entire cadbury burnt almond dark chocolate bar. i think i'm pms-ing and completely unreasonable. i'll try again in a couple days.

let me walk down your street

i blew it. two days in a row actually. went to an oscars party sunday and decided i had earned an indulgence (yes, i just make up rules to suit myself as i go along). i had a piece of cheesecake and a few other things, like feta in my salad. today i was supposed to be back at it. i was fine most of the day but i came home (from another remilio sheen show! delightful tho not quite as amazing as the first.) and my body demanded wendy's. quite honestly, i just didn't have the energy to resist anymore.

the most frustrating part is that (aside from the cheesecake) the indulgences were rather disappointing. they didn't satisfy me deeply. mostly they make me mad that i wasted cheating on something other than beer. and now i feel kinda ill.

so now the decision... start over with 30 days to go? keep going and pretend this never happened? or give up altogether? i should probably wait til morning to decide. life has more hope in the morning.

trying to get as far away from myself as i can

my thirty days is now down to 19. i like the sounds of that. over a third down. and it's still going pretty well.

last night i had a major ice cream craving. we made our way down to the market on yates hoping to discover a treat that reasonably resembles ice cream and yet is made without either dairy or sugar. ask a lot, don't i?

would you believe, i found something! and it was even good!

at first i was just looking at the sorbets because i couldn't believe any of the soy or rice options would actually satisfy. but my craving demanded creamy and chocolate so i decided to at least have a look. i could try something new there every week for a year at least. but the one that caught my eye was the so delicious coconut milk frozen dessert. i was skeptical. but i am converted. it was delicious.

the ingredients list is beautifully short. coconut milk. agave syrup. chicory root. cocoa. and a couple types of gum. it was pricey, but still less than a little ben and jerry's or haagen daaz. of course i devoured the entire thing already.

i might celebrate day 31 with a tub of the chocolate-peanut butter swirl. mmmmmm.