hold on to the corners of today

i have found myself in an interesting state. i have a couple trips planned in the next year (mainly a trip to paris next summer for the international convention! ack!) so i am incredibly broke these days. my paycheques have varied somewhat drastically over the past few months because my schedule at work has been quite up and down. not too long ago, i was rolling in it; yesterday i spent my final five dollars and forty-seven cents on some well planned groceries that are supposed to last me until payday. (thank you pete's for your lovely rotting fruit clearance shelf!)

i am normally ridiculously private about the specifics of my financial situation. but i have to say that i have thoroughly enjoyed this past ten days of desititution. of course, i do have food to eat, a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear... all that necessary, perhaps luxurious, stuff. i am probably still considered to be one of the wealthiest people when compared to the entire world. but after bills on the day i got paid i had nothing left for groceries, emergencies, or entertainment. i reluctantly took twenty dollars from my savings and tried to budget it carefully.

and for some reason, i had a lot of fun trying to find meals for a dollar or less. or spending the entire week of jazz fest outside the tent looking in but still being able to hear the music. and so i couldn't actually see john k samson's face - i heard his voice and that's what really mattered. i felt free from the constant pressure to consume. it wasn't an option so i didn't bother considering it.

that is definitely something i struggle with - remaining content with what i have. i'm sure it's a challenge for everyone, especially considering the society we live in. but something clicked last week that i hope i can maintain for the next year - since it's not likely i will have extra money for at least that long.