the sound of loneliness makes me happier

the gestation period of a human has passed since my last post. this may lead some to wrong conclusions regarding the reason for my silence. in truth, i simply grew tired of my own narcissistic navel-gazing. and while the past nine months have been filled with events that have rocketed me to bliss and drop kicked me to depression, i have not felt the urge to record these moments. it was a relaxing break for my brain to simply allow this veritable roller coaster of emotion to wash over me, being fully present in it instead of detaching myself by constantly narrating life inside my head.

last spring found me starting my first full time job out of necessity and not desire. in a cubicle, no less. i would list that under the drop kick category. i sincerely felt the drudgery of nine-to-five, monday to friday office work. dilbert comics took on a whole new meaning in my life. i lived for friday. while i understand the vast majority of our society lives like this, i cannot see how. i suspect drinking helps.

monica moved in while she prepared to head back west without me. her departure was gradual (it took three tries for it to finally take) which helped me to adjust to being somewhat alone in the east. it is a very strange feeling to be surrounded by people who have only known you a year. shared history suddenly seemed surprisingly important. none of these people, whom i loved dearly, had met my first car, seen me wear orange ballroom skirts to high school, even recognized mr. pg. i savoured the freedom and the loneliness for the few months it lasted.

then, the culmination of a year's planning and scrimping. europe. most definitely the top of the bliss list. made each and every day spent sorting emails in a lifeless gray box worth it. walking the streets of paris at twilight, drinking wine in borrowed glasses in the middle of palazzo san marco in venice, racing across the tarmac for first-come, first-serve airplane seats with ryanair... those and so many, many more are dream fulfilling moments i can never forget and each one still makes my heart race.

after a few final glorious weeks in halifax, i began the sudden and unexpected drive back. the return across canada, in the same circumstances and with the same wonderful beings as the initial trip, was almost a life in rewind. the first couple days felt as though the two years spent in the east had never happened; that we had arrived triumphantly and were now simply turning back for home. in fact, i kept insisting it was spring, perhaps imagining that we had wintered on the coast. return trips to moncton, montreal, dryden, georgetown, winnipeg and nelson only reinforced the feeling of living in reverse.

now i have landed once again into some sort of normalcy. restarting life back on the west coast is proving to be a challenge, of course, but a delightful one. the job hunt is not my favourite activity. i am absolutely sure within myself that i am more than capable of doing the jobs that i apply for but i find it difficult to prove that to potential employers by means of a cover letter and resume. let me have an interview and i can tell you! but more often than not i don't get that chance. my skills, experience and knowledge are a little all over the map. payroll, design, cheque checking, serving, insurance, cleaning, machine embroidering, reception, knitting, selling... even i have to admit the breadcrumbs on my career path are widely scattered.

which brings me to the straw that broke the stubborn camel's non-blogging back. MetaLab is looking for an office asssitant. look at their web site. it is beautiful. beyond the initial aesthetically pleasing design, it is functional, clean, straightforward... a stunning example of everything i believe web sites should be. everything i wish my web sites were. and i desire this job breathlessly. i want to fetch their dry cleaning and bring them coffee and type minutes of meetings if it means i can absorb some of their genius in the process.

*note* my apologies to the metalab team for this shameless begging and flattery. please be assured it is completely sincere. i just want the chance to work with you.