with a whisper and a hush the fields revealed themselves to me

we made it to winnipeg. it's weird to think that if we hadn't changed the plan this would be the end of the road for us. our fun has only begun. we're camping in the kingdom hall parking lot again here. it's the cheapest and safest choice, i think.

winnipeg is neat. lots of history. that just means we saw big old buildings as we drove in to town. we also drove through a hood. it was scary. i thought we might get shot. apparently poverty is a big problem here.

i don't have a whole lot to say yet. we haven't done a whole lot. we're going to explore the city now. hopefully after we find somewhere for me to brush my teeth.

i'm the coffee not the sleep

this has to be a quick one. i'm sitting at a table in a brother and sister's kitchen on a farm in southern saskatchewan. we just finished an amazing lunch which included some of the fresh corn, watermelon and cantaloupe that they grow themselves. the best ever. i could be convinced to live here if i could eat like this all the time.

we were in moose jaw the other day and now we're making our way through the big muddy badlands. it's our outlaw trail. we toured the tunnels under moose jaw where al capone used to hide and now we're trying to find the caves that butch cassidy and the sundance kid used.

i never expected saskatchewan to be pretty but it really is. there are boring parts but there are also beautiful valleys and rolling hills.

o dear. time to go. lunch is over and we're going to roll ourselves into the van. hopefully we get close to the manitoba border tonight. tomorrow we'd like to see the international peace garden, then winnipeg on friday. i'm working on getting pictures ready to post on here. hopefully not too long. or, more likely, i won't get it done until i'm settled somewhere.

you cocked your head to shoot me down

we made it to saskatchewan! it feels like the trip has finally begun, even though i have been on the road for over a month already. we're in prince albert, staying with dear friends, the norgaards. it's giving us a chance to eat real, homecooked food, wash some of our clothes, and do a couple minor repairs on ava.

i have to say, though, so far we haven't had to go very long without those things. i hope this wonderful treatment continues. we don't really know very many people from here on out. last night we met some people from the russian group in toronto and they kindly offered us a place to stay. hopefully we get to go to a russian meeting while we're there too. the language and culture has fascinated me for years.

Stage Two: Nelson and the Wedding or Love is Alive and Well in the Kootenays:

My awesome little red-headed Britta was getting married. So strange. But great, as it turns out. We spent the week putting together all the little details and hanging out with some fantastic people. Including Ryan, of course, as he was the groom-to-be. And many others, some whose emails I either lost or never got. (Chantelle, Tanys, Amanda, Brad, Mike - if you’re out there, you should get a hold of me). There was much laughter and frivolity along with a little panic and frustration. It all came together in the end. The wedding was gorgeous. Very classy. It seemed like everyone had a blast.

Ryan and Britta generously let me stay at their place when they went on their honeymoon. The plan was to hang out in Nelson until Monica showed up with Ava and Savanna. Unfortunately, her departure kept getting delayed due to circumstances beyond her control. Not that I minded staying in Nelson for as long as it took. I would have been content to live there. I think it’s my favourite place at the moment. (If you’re ever there you must go to Full Circle for breakfast. I could eat there everyday.)

It was nice too because I got to spend time with my parents and Steve, which I hadn’t really done before I left PG. One night John and Karen (Britta’s parents) took me and my mom and dad out in their sailboat for some late night dessert and stargazing. We watched the meteor shower and drank hot chocolate. Does it get better than that? I say, not so much.

Stage One: Prince George to Nelson or Letting the Rage Subside

My journey began on a Tuesday morning when I drove the Hulk, my little Firefly, out of Prince George. I enjoyed a quiet solo drive through the Okanagan and into the Kootenay’s. I was feeling a little haggard because I had spent the previous week or so packing all my worldly possessions and saying goodbye to friends and family so I really needed that time to unwind and breathe.

For the most part the trip was pleasantly uneventful. At one point I stopped for gas and topped up the oil. As I drove out of that town (somewhere between Kamloops and Penticton) I got caught in a stream of traffic. Someone in the line was spewing blue smoke. I wondered who it could be and why they didn’t get off the road. But as the traffic dispersed, I realized it was me. I couldn’t figure out why the Hulk would suddenly begin burning oil so I pulled into the next rest stop. I went around to the front and there was oil all over the hood. I swear I put the oil cap back on after filling and it popped out as I started driving. So there was oil all over the engine. All over. It was awful. But at least it could still run.

To some extent at least. The hills nearly killed the Firefly but we made it to Nelson eventually. Where I found my little bride-to-be and we had a wonderful visit before going to sleep.

driving with mittens and lap blankets

we ended up spending five days in high level. it was wonderful. not exactly my favourite place ever but the people were overwhelmingly hospitable. they gave us a key to the hall so we could use the bathroom and the internet when we needed it. we felt very special. though it almost felt wrong to do our dishes in the kh bathroom. almost.

a brother who is a mechanic from grande prairie diagnosed ava over the phone and put the new distributor points in for us thursday morning. took him all of five minutes. so that afternoon we headed up to yellowknife. we were so unbelievably cold driving. it was rainy and gross. we layered every warm piece of clothing we had. unfortunately for me, that wasn't much. but once we crossed the river on the ferry, it started to warm up. we actually ended up building a fire and having wine and banana boats at our campsite.

the drive from fort providence to yellowknife is very interesting. it's only after the river that the landscape really starts to change. the trees begin to shrink bit by bit until they only come up a few feet. and there is pink granite everywhere. it's still very flat and slightly barren looking but intriguing. i loved that in some parts the road has been paved with local rock and so they are bright pink too. i have pictures and i'll put them up when i get a chance.

we got into yellowknife in the afternoon on friday. the population there is apparently about twenty thousand. they have a walmart but no starbucks. the old part of the town is all built up on a hill on the shore of great slave lake. the town has a lot of character. i enjoyed it much more than i expected to. and the people are fun. i mean, who would move to yellowknife? they have to have an adventurous spirit, if nothing else.

i really enjoyed the assembly. i won't reveal much here because pg has their's next weekend, but i will say that i found it very direct. perhaps that was just the brothers up here. it was great though. there was about 160 there, with three baptized. and on sunday probably half of the people went to a brother and sister's for dinner. very fun. the circuit and district overseer were there with their wives (the attics and the charlands). we also met a brother who very kindly offered to try to get us in to bethel for a night. we'll see how successful he is.

right now we're in hay river. this is our overnight point on our way back south. tomorrow we'll stay in high level again, then somewhere on lesser slave lake, through edmonton and on to prince albert by friday, hopefully. unless we break down again. *eek*

the back lane came alive, half moon whispered 'go'

to my small but patient audience:

sorry about the delay. you should all know i'm a procrastinator. i have no other excuse. but i have been working on getting this updated. i'm skipping ahead to an amazing experience we had, but then i will go back and catch you guys up on what's been going on so far.

we spent this past saturday night in the kingdom hall parking lot in high level, alberta. we got in quite late and figured that was the best way to get to the meeting in the morning. which we did. and met every witness in high level, it felt like. it's a congregation of about forty and they are very friendly. the couple that lives in the hall, the dillons, had us over for lunch. (coincidentally, turns out they are related to my red-headed britta). then we packed up and headed out of town on our way to hay river, nwt, at about three.

we got about an hour down the road - that would be a whopping 60km in the van - when the van completely lost power and monica pulled over to the side of the road. we couldn't get her started again. she was turning over but just not starting. we had a full tank of gas. so we pulled out the manuals and started diagnosing the problem. we did some tests, including pulling off the hose to the fuel pump and making sure it was working. that was fun. sprayed gas in monica's face. we were still baffled after an hour. we took a break for dinner and to collect our wits, at which point we prayed for help and enjoyed an egg salad sandwich.

we played with the engine for another hour, then we gave up and tried calling ama. unfortunately we were out of cell range. we were starting to think we could camp there on the side of the road until the people from high level came by on their way to their assembly. that would only be a week. (ack.)

just at that moment a car pulled over and two guys got out to see if they could help. one of them said he'd worked with cars quite a bit so he offered to take a look. we showed them what we had done and he started playing with some of the wires. they mentioned they were on their way home to calgary from toronto by way of hay river. we were laughing about the detour we were both making and we asked what they had been doing in toronto. they said they just took a course there. a little later in the conversation i asked the one guy what kind of course they had taken, and he says, it's called a ministerial training school. i nearly died. mine and monica's eyes bugged out of our heads and we laughed hysterically. none of us could believe it. when i think about it now it's crazy that they even stopped at all because we were just sitting in the van at that point. we didn't even have the hazards on because they don't work. God really takes care of his servants, hey? even lowly little us.

so the rest of the story is that we think the coil is dead and we had the van towed back to high level. we're back camping in the kingdom hall parking lot awaiting the part. it should get here tomorrow morning from edmonton. craziness hey!? turns out these guys, phil and vin, are from the mandarin congregation in calgary. i've probably seen, if not met, them before. we were joking that this was a sign that they were going to be sent to pg to help the mandarin group get started. vin did mention that russel reed had told him that one of the places in canada that needs help with chinese is pg. neat, hey?

anyway, we're doing great. the congregation here is taking excellent care of us. and hopefully we'll be in hay river for the meeting tomorrow night. if the van doesn't get fixed tomorrow we're thinking we might stick around here and see if we can go to the assembly in yellowknife. we'll see how things go.

long live the morton

last night i sold the love of my life to a man named ken. i'm as miserable as is to be expected. i will never forget him. he was good to me right up to the last. let us all take a moment of silence to remember the good times with my love, morton gunther adolf schmidt.




i miss you.

the look on your face is delicate

you know a friend is a keeper when you leave them and you feel inspired. i just spent a lovely, refreshing, and upbuilding week in calgary. i return home with renewed courage to look for more than just satisfaction in each day. thanks guys.

good times.

and a big fat congratulations to laura and jordan monk, whose wedding last weekend was the reason i was reunited with friends in calgary. you guys are precious.

since then i've been so good at vanishing

flippant rejection
agitates their fresh simplicity
nudge and wonder
because rain could evaporate
because she is irretreivable
absolve feverish yearning if
you are smitten

some disbelief to suspend

in my lifelong quest to become a better person, i find i am often returning to the same basic goals: less time wasters, more creativity and spirituality. i'm tired of wasting my life. i have been back from mazatlan for nearly a year. i admit i have learned a lot but so far it has only been knowledge. i haven't applied it. i haven't become any wiser from my experiences.

at pioneer school they said to set one goal each month. that's it. i'm working on that. i have a tendency to set all my goals at once and to be upset when i fail to perfect myself overnight. i need to slow down. work on one thing. perhaps then i'll actually get somewhere.

simple goal for january: get back in the habit of reading my Bible every day. preferably in the morning.

sufficient for each day is its own badness

in the past i've tried to live my life without fear of the future. i like to think i have, anyway. and lately i have come to realize that a crippling terror of what i could become has been paralyzing me. i have felt unable to progress in any specific direction because i have begun to fear myself. and, moreso, my potential future self. but it's ridiculous to let myself be hindered by what could happen tomorrow, or the next day. it also may not happen. and even if it did, life would still go on.

when i started pioneering, the idea that i would one day quit never seriously entered my head. i had chosen my career and i knew nothing else would ever bring me as much joy. but, as i have been told countless times and am finally figuring out for myself, life never goes as you plan or expect it to. up until today i had been considering going off the list to deal with myself. even after the past two weeks of pioneer school. the school made me realize what a privilege and responsibility pioneering is, but it also left me wondering if i am capable of handling it at this point in my life. i'm still not sure. but after my pioneer meeting with my elders this evening, i have decided to be sure i am unable to continue before i give up.

so now begins the process of putting my life together, piece by piece. one day at a time. getting myself sorted out. with God's help, of course. one thing i have learned so clearly is the need to stay close to God. and that is the main reason i am choosing to continue to fight. each day i fight is a day that forces me to rely more fully on him.

i can try for your heart

this afternoon, at a quiet, intimate ceremony, melissa margaret freudentheil and caleb joshua johnson wed. only their closest family and friends were there. she looked exquisite. her bridesmaids were perfect - beautiful without detracting from the bride and emotional without wrecking their makeup. everything was wonderful. i cried like a baby.

congratulations brother caleb joshua and sister melissa margaret johnson.

the moon has nothing to be sad about

tonight we had our first snowfall. i think it will be gone by morning, but right now it looks gorgeous. i was only inside for about an hour, and when i came out it was dark and everything was lightly blanketted in white. it's pretty much the only day of winter i genuinely love. i'm going to have to put aside some money for snowboarding this year so i have something to get me through. either that, or actually have a toboganning party instead of just talking about it.

my favorite things about my job

• writing on the desk
• knowing people's names and hearing their voices before i ever meet them
• my ridiculously socially akward boss
• freecell on the sly
• my rolly chair
• having a reason to get out of bed in the morning
• using the headset just because it makes me feel professional
• re-organizing and colour coding the files
• exceeding my fellow employees' low expectations
• 'zooming' (a little inside, i know)
• reliving the glory days of dial-up internet
• coffee
• the huge calculator

let's go away for awhile
you and i

to a strange and distant land

where they speak no word of truth
but we don't understand anyway

holiday
far away
to stay

on a holiday
far away
let's go today
in a heartbeat